he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
