Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
