I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I cut my penus on the lid.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
