Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
