You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
