We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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