I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My ATM looks so different sober.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
