i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize