I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
