You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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