i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
