Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
