My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
