if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
