...so i touched it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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