Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
