Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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