There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
