the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Couch. On fire.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
