paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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