That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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