Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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