Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
