Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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