I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
