you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
