then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
