My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
