We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
