this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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