she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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