I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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