I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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