Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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