She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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