Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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