i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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