my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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