i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
