I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
