I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
