so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't deserve a penis
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
