Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
