I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
