I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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