just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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