I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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