if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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