why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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