Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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