these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
