i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
