You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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