You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
