she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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