I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
