My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
