Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
