You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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