Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize