I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
