if i can run in heels then i can drive
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
