I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
