She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
