God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
