I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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