i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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