my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
