Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
