it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
